We're facebook friends in real life
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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