I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
