i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
