What a fucking waste of an outfit
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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