I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
