so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
