Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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