All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
