Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
