So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
