ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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