ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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