Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

Fav 15 5537 980
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now

Fav 5 1016 3684
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(989): View more from Michigan

i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.

Fav 35 2094 7467
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12

Fav 12 4061 1402
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(613): View more from Ontario

Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.

Fav 9 1341 3343
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.

Fav 15 3477 1180
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(423): View more from Tennessee

There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?

Fav 2 863 1425
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(304): View more from West Virginia

I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.

Fav 3 448 188
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(281): View more from Texas

You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂

Fav 1 81 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT