I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?