I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes