Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
COCAINE IS GR8
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