I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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