Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
