It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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