Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
