Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
