Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
