I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
