insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
