Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
