And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
