anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
