I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
