Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Two words: nipple clamps
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