You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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