You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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