Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
