there was a trapeze. enough said
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
