Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
