Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
