My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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