please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
