In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
