Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
