I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
