It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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