Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the jesus of drinking
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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