we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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