I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize