Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
