"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
