hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
