Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
