i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize