we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
