omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
foreskin is a definite game changer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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