Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Come share oat with me in your robe
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
