My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
