what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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