I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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