Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
