I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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