god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
