"it" just moved
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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