the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
