my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
