It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
