They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
