She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
