I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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