i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
