what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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