Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
