Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
