my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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